The Story of the Rabbi and the Small Apartment

 

Hello my friends

This is a little Jewish folktale...

Once upon a time, there was a man who lived in a small apt on the UWS of Manhattan, with his wife, and two children

They were happy, but they felt their apartment was too small

 

So one day the man went to his rabbi and said,

Rabbi, I love my family but our apartment is too small.

I wish my wife and I didn’t have to use our bedroom as our home office, 

I wish my children didn’t have to share a bedroom,

And I really wish we had a second bathroom.

It feels so crowded in our apartment – what can we do?

 

The rabbi nodded, and wisely said,

Take your child, who is in school, and have that child do all of their schooling in your apartment via zoom.

Well, the UWS didn’t really know what to think about this but said, ok, went home, and set up his child to do all of their schoolwork on a laptop in their bedroom

Well, the apartment did NOT feel any bigger, so the UWS went back to the rabbi, and said,

Rabbi, our apartment still feels pretty small – actually, it feels more crowded than when I came to you. What should we do?

The rabbi thought a moment, and answered

Put your other child, who is on school break, and keep that child in the apartment with you – and make sure that that child doesn’t have any activities or playdates with friends outside of the apartment. And come up with things for that child to do all day long. In fact why don’t you share your phone with that child so that your child can be entertained if you run out of books or art supplies or creative ideas. 

Well, the UWS didn’t see how this was going to make the apartment feel bigger, but, he did exactly what the rabbi said, and now there was one child on a laptop in the bedroom, doing schoolwork, and another on the man’s phone, playing Duolingo and texting to friends, and doing whatever I guess it is kids do online.

 

But still the apartment felt small. Now the rabbi didn’t want to meet with the UWS in person, so they set up a zoom meeting. And on the zoom meeting, the man said, you know rabbi, my apartment feels smaller than ever, are you sure that you understand what my problem is?

 

And the rabbi thought this over for a moment, and then said, you know, why don’t you stop going into your office at all, but spend your whole day in the apartment together with your children, the one who is doing schoolwork and the one on Spring break. Well, the UWS wasn’t sure how this was going to help, but he did as the rabbi suggested, and started working entirely from home. And this involved learning a lot about zoom meetings and also a lot of swapping around between who was on his laptop and who was on his phone, and with both of the children there all day long the apartment now really felt quite crowded.

 

So the UWS decided to try to zoom with the rabbi one more time, and said, what can I do? The apartment still feels really small? And the rabbi said, well, why don’t you have your spouse work from home too. And then why don’t you stay in your apartment together for, oh, well certainly at least two weeks, and see how it feels?

Well, the UWS and his family were all now very crowded in the apartment. They were in every available spot – they were even using the bathroom as a workspace!

 

But you know what, after … some time had passed, they were all allowed to go back outside again, and to go back to their offices to work again… and they said, you know, here we are – we are healthy, we have each other, we spent a lot of time having real conversations together, and on zoom with our family and friends – we are actually pretty lucky.

 

And they never ever thought about their apartment being too small again.

                                                                                           

Where is God during the pandemic?

In case you are still unsure what I do for a living, or why, here is your answer. These are students in the Religious School at Congregation Emanu-El of the City of New York answering the question "where is God during the pandemic?"

The Story about the Baby Sharks

I told a story about the ritual of counting the omer at Shabbat Services for Temple Emanu-El. It is based on a famous one about starfish that I learned as a kid in CRaFTY (the NYC region of NFTY, the Reform Jewish youth movement).

(Full transcript after the jump)

The Story of the Rabbi's Daughter

Here's me telling a story based on the classic tale about the Seer of Lublin, who as a child would go to the forest to pray. God is the same everywhere, but we are not. Enjoy! 

(Full Transcript after the jump)

What do we mean by "lifelong learning?"

A piece I wrote for Jewish Federation of North America's "Ideas in Jewish Education and Engagement" blog appeared on November 28. Entitled, "What do we mean by 'lifelong learning,' I describe two of our most successful (and explicable) programs here at Emanu-El and the big ideas about Jewish education that underscore them.

Here's the tl;dr take-aways:

1. Our classes form a microcosm of Jewish community, where diverse opinions can be expressed and, through thoughtful reflection and mutual respect, our students learn to accept one another for who they are and what they believe, and empower one another to grow as individuals.
2. We study ancient wisdom in the context of intergenerational relationships.
3. Our teen leaders are role models, sharing their expertise and modeling their commitment to Jewish life.
4. The teens are proud of their growth as leaders and of the connections they make with the younger kids. Many describe their work as “giving back” to the community 
5. We publicly acknowledge and celebrate students who go “above and beyond” school attendance. 
6. Children play a crucial role in shaping the lives of the rest of their families.
7. For parents, coming to school-based family activities normalizes the experience of participating in synagogue life, making it easier to prioritize it over other ways to spend their time and to consider coming to another activity even without their own children. 

The Story of Honi and the Carob Tree

Here's me telling the story of Honi and the Carob Tree at Temple Emanu-El last Friday night... a classic tale of miracles, transgenerational ethics, and chocolate substitutes. Enjoy! 

(Full Transcript after the jump)

n.b. Unfortunate drumming noise was apparently caused by a steam pipe; while it was broadcast loudly on the livestream we couldn't hear it during the service itself.

Talking with our children about tragic events

This is what I shared with the Religious School community at Temple Emanu-El after the events at Tree of Life Synagogue:

Dear School Families,

During Religious School on Sunday and Monday, we did not explicitly raise the tragic events at Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh with our students. We know that every child is different, and each family must choose to handle the situation in its own way. Yet, we also know that many of our children have questions and fears that we, as their parents, want to address – not to mention our own, adult concerns.

I want to share with you the guidance I gave our faculty, which holds for parents as well:

1. If the children bring up the topic, don’t shut it down. Listen attentively to what they have to say -- their concerns and their questions, their thoughts and feelings -- and let that drive the conversation.
2. Try to answer questions factually without adding unnecessary details. Don’t assume that your questions and concerns are theirs.
3. Reassure the children that Temple Emanu-El is a safe place; we are a sanctuary for all people seeking comfort and support. Here at Emanu-El, there are many adults who are looking out for them and who know exactly what to do to prevent emergencies of all types from happening. A good example is that when there is a fire drill, we all are trained to respond quickly and safely. There are other things that the kids don’t know about that we, the adults, are doing to keep them safe.
4. Let them know that an important part of what it means to be Jewish is that when we hear about tragedy, we want to respond. That is why Emanu-El is participating in city-wide vigils (both to express our emotions and to demonstrate our solidarity) and why our Philanthropic Committee and Student Council are already talking about what we can do to help the people of the Tree of Life Community.
5. Remind them that there are always many more people trying to be good than to do harm, of all religions, backgrounds, and nationalities. Unfortunately, it is so much easier to be destructive than to build, and bad news always gets the headlines – but remember, although there are some dangerous people in the world, nearly everyone you meet is a kind, generous, loving person like yourself.

The Golden Age of Religious School Education

I wrote this article for the March-April 2018 edition of the Temple Emanu-El Bulletin.

The challenges of Jewish education are largely the same as they were more than a century ago, when the first generations of American Jews began attending supplementary schools. Forced by these challenges to be inventive and resourceful, the best educators integrated innovative approaches and cutting-edge practices. And yet, because we are in an era of unprecedented collaboration, I believe we are now in a “Golden Age” for religious schools.

Where have all the Teachers Gone? A Collaborative Community Response

This article about the course I will be teaching this semester, authored by Dr. Evie Levy Rotstein, appeared in eJewishPhilanthropy on September 14, 2017:

Each year the challenge seems to grow. Jewish educators are frantically searching for qualified teachers to fill open positions in their religious schools. Research for many years has indicated that there is a shortage of well-trained teachers in Jewish settings, exacerbated by the challenge of retaining strong teachers for these part-time positions. (Westheimer, 2007). This past summer, though, the problem was particularly striking: I received more requests than ever for graduate students to fill multiple empty positions in the New York metropolitan area. Is this problem intractable, or can something be done?

Last winter, a group of seasoned NYC educators that form a peer network group hosted by the Jewish Education Project in Manhattan began to explore this very issue. They discussed how they might collaborate to offer high level professional learning to encourage current religious school teachers to become teacher leaders. One of the educators, Saul Kaiserman, teaches our “Laboratory in Teaching in Learning” course to rabbinic, cantorial and Masters in Religious Education students at HUC-JIR New York School of Education. What would happen if these educators could offer their faculty members such a course for graduate credit at a highly subsidized tuition fee? What if the congregations themselves paid for the course and then offered the teachers a salary bonus upon the completion of the course? Might avocational teachers begin to consider a career in Jewish education? There was significant back and forth as the group hammered out what they would want in such a course, whether their teachers would realistically attend such a course, how many transferable credits it would be, and ultimately if the finances would be feasible.

And behold a strategy for change was born. HUC-JIR made the bold decision to offer students enrollment at an incredibly subsidized rate, similar in cost to the introductory course for the Executive Master’s Program. The professor offered to teach the course gratis, Congregation Emanu-El of the City of New York agreed to host the course, and all of the congregations were willing to provide the funding for the tuition. At the time of writing, teachers representing congregations across NYC have applied for a spot in this course

This is a story of community collaboration and the desire to address the challenges of the teacher shortage and retention. We as leaders in the field of Jewish education must continue to find ways to recognize and validate the fact that our teachers need to continue their own growth and learning to keep them from leaving the field. We know from the data, that teachers who do not participate in ongoing professional development are less effective in the classroom and less likely to meet the emerging needs of students, administrators, and the field of Jewish education. Our hope is that this course may be the catalyst for teachers to seek a graduate degree and ultimately a full time career in Jewish education. We also need to think about the future of Jewish education leadership. 

If you are interested in learning more about the course please follow this link or contact Dr. Evie Rotstein at erotstein@huc.edu.

Talking with our Students about the Election

I want to share with you the email that I sent to our school faculty at Temple Emanu-El:

Dear School Faculty,

Several of you have spoken this week with either Jackie or me about the outcome of our presidential election. You have expressed a particular challenge it poses to us as Jewish educators. The question I’m hearing is something along the lines of, “how can we teach our children what it means to be a good and morally righteous leader, if I think the president-elect is a terrible role model?”

Clearly, that is not how all of our congregants, or faculty, or even a great many of those who voted in this election feel. Yet, we do know that throughout his campaign, Donald Trump used hurtful language in an unprecedented fashion, with rhetoric that was explicitly racist, misogynistic, and just plan mean-spirited. How do we explain to our students that it is unacceptable for them to use such language, if our president does?

As Jews, we believe the Torah can be a guide for our behavior. When we study the stories of our ancestors, we see how their actions serve as examples for us today. And yet, even our greatest leaders were imperfect. Side by-side with their hospitality, compassion, and righteousness we find selfishness, arrogance, and even cruelty. In truth, from their stories we not only learn what to do, but also what NOT to do.

It is our responsibility to help our students (and their parents) decide for themselves which values lead to a loving, just and peaceful world and then together build a community in which they can act upon those values -- even when they are in opposition to those values espoused by our leaders. We need to be able to stand up to oppression wherever we encounter it. And most importantly, we need our school to be a place of sanctuary for all of our students and families, in which all feel safe to be wholly themselves.

While we always encourage those who have made mistakes to seek forgiveness and improve upon their past actions, we should not excuse or minimize bad behavior, no matter how prestigious the person engaging in it.

As always, both Jackie and I make it our top priority to help you think about your teaching and your individual students. Please don’t be shy about reaching out to us to think an issue through – on this topic, or for any other reason.

We are strong, getting stronger, getting strength from each other.

Saul

For more reading on this topic, I recommend the op-ed by Emily Bazelon in today's New York Times, Bullying in the Age of Trump. And here is a great set of resources from Border Crossers.

Moving Past Picking the Low-Hanging Fruit

Here's something that I wrote back in 2008, together with Rachel Brumberg, Danny Mishkin, and David Wolkin for the "Mentor's Voice" column of the (now defunct) Leadership Institute for Congregational Educators. 

Anyone who has been involved in a change initiative has probably encountered the phrase “low hanging fruit,” those targets or goals which are easily achievable and which do not require a lot of effort. There are any number of reasons why it is advantageous to focus change efforts on low hanging fruit at the outset.  But what then? 

At Congregation Emanu-El of the City of New York, in a series of departmental retreats, we identified new challenges that arise as low-hanging fruit is picked, and how we might respond to those challenges.  Here is a summary of the thoughts of our Department of Lifelong Learning full-time staff:

1. What do we mean by “low-hanging fruit?”

• Things that require little work and can be done easily
• Things that can be successful more quickly (even if a lot of work)
• Things for which it is obvious what success would look like
• Things that may not require systemic change – can stand alone, can be handled departmentally and autonomously, are perhaps less threatening or non-threatening

2. Why focus on low-hanging fruit at the start?

• To build confidence and trust in leadership & change process though early successes
• To respond to the hunger for change and for deliverables – start with a bang!
• To create buy-in and to build trust among stakeholders – people want to see results!
• To build the morale of the team

3. What new challenges arise as low-hanging fruit is picked?

When the low hanging fruit is used up –  what then?  How will we know what to tackle next?  How can we prepare for future challenges? 

• There is the possibility of addressing symptoms but not causes. As a result, the changes we make may only be superficial and the solutions may only work for a limited duration. 
• Any new interventions or program changes require systems, structures, and staffing that must be coordinated, managed, and supervised -- they don’t run themselves!  Managing the increased workload resulting from new initiatives, and developing new systems and procedures, can become so time consuming that no further initiatives can be developed.
• We don’t necessarily learn the skills (or help others learn the skills) that will enable us to tackle more challenging problems or projects.
• Because this work doesn’t require people to get out of their comfort zones, it does not require us to create an environment in which conflict and debate is effectively managed and resolved.
• The expectation can be developed that we will continue making positive change at the same pace, even though further changes would be more challenging to institute.
• If all the work done is done internally and departmentally, it does not build a collaborative environment or shared sense of accountability.  Therefore, changes may not develop the deep roots that enable them to endure beyond the efforts of the change-makers.

4. What should we do to respond to these challenges?

• Be willing to shake the tree!  Take risks!
• Climb the tree: Think strategically and long-term. Set priorities that will have deep impact and stick to them.  Build consensus and shared accountability around these priorities. Be strong and resolute in face of opposition. Learn to say “no” by sticking to our priorities.
• Focus on infrastructure and build systems.  Use what we have learned so far to develop procedures and routines to handle day-to-day tasks – especially high urgency, low importance and low priority items.
• Broaden and deepen our relationships with members of the community (including families, faculty, and staff in other departments).  Provide volunteers with real responsibilities, an active voice, and the ability to directly impact the program. Continue to build and deepen buy-in among our stakeholders, not merely as lip service, but because we see their participation as critical to the long-term success of the endeavor.
• Clarify our expectations (for participation, achievement, and so on) and publicize them widely.  Where our language is vague, clarify what we really mean.  Establish a culture of commitment and responsibility.
• Think about our legacy – what do we want things to look like once we are gone, and how can we make our changes stick?